Dude Dies During Strap On Sex With A Scarecrow

NYDN - A kinky Argentinian man croaked while having sex with a scarecrow that he dressed in lipstick and a wig — and strapped a sex toy on, according to reports. Jose Alberto, 58, was found dead in his San Jose de Balcare home, lying next to the straw doll, the Irish Mirror reported. “There were no signs of violence, and we are working on the assumption that the man died during sex with the scarecrow,” police spokesman Rodolfo Moure told the publication. The depraved sex fiend, who tended to sheep, had puffed up the scarecrow with clothes and tied a 6-inch strap-on penis to it, reports said. His rotting remains were found after neighbors complained to police of a foul stench coming from his home, where he lived alone. Autopsy results have not yet been released.

ARGENTINA – “God, did you hear about Jose Alberto?”

“No”

“Died. Scarecrow with a strap on fucked him to death.”

Thats gotta be the worst way to go. I think I’d rather be the guy who was cooked alive under 6 tons of tuna. Nobody wants to be known as the guy who died fucking a scarecrow. There’s just no way to spin that. And its not even that you like to put strap ons onto scarecrows and fuck them. To each his own. You want scarecrow buttsex, have at it, boss. Its that you fucking died doing it. You couldnt even handle scarecrow sex. I’m no sexual master but I’d like to think I could fuck a scarecrow and not die from it. They’re made of straw, for fuck’s sake. They don’t even have a brain. I guess that fake scarecrow dick was just too good for him.

To be honest I still dont quite understand how it all worked or how he died but all I know is the thought of police finding your rotting body next to a straw man with a 6 inch dick wobbling in the wind is absolutely rock bottom for human life.

PS – How come the Scarescrow only asked for a brain and the Tin Man only asked for a heart? Shouldn’t they both have needed both? Makes no sense. I guess also the scarecrow should have asked for a 6 inch cock because clearly they can do damage with the dick.